Overcoming Adversity: A Story of a Resilient Student and The Power of Relationships

A Guest Post by Heather Loomis

“According to the American Psychological Association, 17% of teenagers engage in self-harm. This staggering statistic reflects the silent struggles many of our students face, often unnoticed.

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One such student in my class taught me an invaluable lesson about resilience and the power of relationships.” When we encounter these students we need to assume that no one is checking in on them, that they are not receiving support, or that they are continuing with the things they need to do to stay mentally well.  They are middle school students who don’t necessarily have the skills to navigate difficult roads and can take care of themselves.  As teachers and human beings, it is our responsibility to be kind and open the door for those students to walk into and help when we can.  

One year, a new student, taught me a powerful lesson about relationships and the ability to bounce back. She was a very beautiful girl who was quiet and had a kind heart.  She started at the middle school as a new student, knowing no one, had no friends, and was so shy that I was truly worried about her both socially and academically.  

I looked out for her throughout the year.  I spoke with her daily and checked in just to see how she was doing.  We both got to know each other and she would tell me things about her life at school and home.  She was split between her parents because they were divorced.  Which is difficult for both her and her parents and the relationships seem rocky at best.

As the year went on she started to blossom.  She gained friends, started to smile, and actually sat with other students at lunch.  Her grades were stellar and she was academically ahead of most of the students in that class.  I still checked in with her and saw the counselor regularly and all seemed well in her world.  

Then the tears started.  Her grades were still good, but she started missing school.  She still had friends and even a boyfriend, but she was turning inward and just wasn’t herself.  I wasn’t quite sure what was going on.  There was no new information or concerns, but something was definitely off.  I’m always careful not to push or ask too many questions.  If a student wants to share most of the time they will.  She wasn’t, tears in her eyes, I finally asked, “What’s going on?”  She claimed she was fine, but I told her that if she needed to talk we could or I could get the counselor.  She stood there with tears in her eyes and told me her story.  There were more issues with the family and now the courts were involved. She was devastated and didn’t feel heard by either side.  They never asked her what she wanted.  She felt alone and powerless.

After listening and supporting I asked if there was anything I could do to help her.  She said, “I’m 14 days clean”.  Completely thrown off I said, “That’s great, what are you clean from?  She said, “cutting”.  I looked at her and told her how proud I was of her and that just because she was having a bad day was no need to break her 14-day streak.  She agreed and went on to her next class.  I immediately contacted the counselor and let her know everything. She needed help and more than I could give her. The counselor contacted the student’s mother and let her know what we had learned.  At that time I had no idea how things were going with the family.  Hoping she is okay and that whatever happens, she will be able to work through it all.  Feeling powerless but knowing I did the right thing in getting her help and having the counselor contact her mom was best.

Relationships are everything!  Between the counselor and my care for her,  we had at least been able to intervene and get her some help and support along this journey.  We only had a short time left in that school year.  My hopes were that there would be support in place before all was said and done.  God Willing!

Before that year ended I received a note from this beautiful young woman.  Thanking me for being there and listening.  She was back on her streak of days not cutting and was smiling again.  That year it was hard to say goodbye.  I still have her note in my box of special things and I will treasure it always.

What are some things I have learned from this experience?  Put building relationships above everything else!  Always be willing to listen and sometimes you need to ask if they need help.  Some students just can’t verbalize what they are going through. Students are resilient and can bounce back once they have the support they need. 

Last, but certainly not least make sure that either you or the school counselor are in touch with the parents.  Communication with home is key.  If you don’t have that then nothing can get better.

~ Heather Loomis

Follow Heather on Twitter (X) at: Loomis_h

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Thank you, Heather, for another wonderful post. The power of building authentic relationships can never be underestimated. Heaather’s approach to take on the genuine and tough situations that occur every day in our schools is to be commended, and the advice she is offering current and future educators should be valued and applied. This particular situation is one I personally would have had great difficulty facing. Heather’s courage and experience is incredibly helpful and appreciated.

Kelly

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