As adults, educators, and parents, we navigate countless challenges daily. According to busyteacher.org, we make on average 1,500 decisions a day.  That’s four decisions every minute of our six to seven-hour day.  WOW!  So the big question is how do we cope? How do we manage all these challenges while still balancing other aspects of our lives? For some, it’s about unwinding with exercise, a hot bath, a good book, or simply enjoying a moment of silence.

Being an adult we find ways to relax and deal with the stress of the day and keep moving forward, but what about our students?  Do they have that skill set?  Do they know how to problem-solve issues that arise with their peers, home, and school?  Depends on the district and the students. At the middle school where I teach, we serve a highly diverse and economically disadvantaged community. All our students receive free breakfast and lunch.  A lot of my students have very limited coping abilities to handle what’s going on in their homes let alone school and their peers.  I affectionately refer to my students, who bravely face tough challenges while learning to navigate life’s difficulties, as ‘The Tough Ones.’ This term is used with the utmost respect and care. One of my goals is to write a book titled “The Tough Ones” to support myself and other educators in helping our most at-risk children.

One of my “Tough Ones” was recently being particularly strong-willed. I’m usually very patient, but on this particular day, I was exhausted and not at my absoulte best. The student had been particularly challenging recently. We always pick our students up from lunch and he was the last one there, hood up, and refused to leave with everyone else.  I fussed at him and told him to take his hood down, get up, and get to class. He completely ignored me. I asked again in a not-so-nice voice.  He refused. One of the administrators was there and I let them take care of him and continued on my way to class. Normally, I handle situations like this with passion and ease, but on this particular day, it was especially challenging. As I was leaving the cafeteria two girls from our team told me I shouldn’t talk to him that way, that he was being bullied.  Confused, I asked the girls to clarify and explain to me what was going on.  I have often found that when students are defending someone there is a reason. They are not always so willing to report the issue, but in this case, they knew I would listen and that I would help.  Turns out that someone had access to his social media account and had posted some very negative and inappropriate information about him.  The posts were very damaging.  So what does my “Tough One” do?  He shuts down, becomes defiant, and is now more vulnerable and likely to get into trouble.

Most often the “Tough Ones” behavior is a way of communicating.  When things get difficult and you don’t have the strategies or skills to problem-solve you are going to see less than awesome. True for students and teachers alike.  I was wrong for being short-tempered and impatient.  I didn’t ask what was wrong, if there was something he needed help with, or if he’d like to talk to a counselor.  I just reacted to his defiance because I wasn’t in the mood to deal with it.  That happens too.  We do get tired and some days are just tougher than others. 

Takeaway: As educators, we need to stop, reflect, and think about what’s happening with our students. Each and every time. We may not catch everything, we can’t, but when we do we need to make sure that our students are taken care of and get the help they need.  Not just for our “Tough Ones” but for ALL.

~ Heather Loomis

Follow Heather on Twitter (X) at: Loomis_h

——

Thank you, Heather, for this wonderful post. A great opportunity for all of us to reflect on and grow as educators. I love your passion and vulnerability; I admire your willingness to grow and try new ways to make a difference in the lives of students!

Kelly

If you’d like to blog for Wired Educator, please send us a short bio and writing sample/idea for consideration. Include your role in education, school and the driving purpose behind your post. Thank you for supporting educators. 

Order Kelly’s books, Along Came a Leader and Unthink Before Bed: A Children’s Book on Mindfulness for your personal library.

Educator, Author, Keynote Speaker
Twitter: @kellycroy
Instagram: @kcroy
Website: kellycroy.com and wirededucator.com
Podcast: The Wired Educator Podcast
and of course: Facebook.

Sign-up for Kelly’s newsletter here.